My Journey to Parenthood Part 1
Seventeen years ago, after three years of wedded bliss, hubs and I thought it was the right time to start building a family. After a year of trying, we were unsuccessful. Another year passed by and still no pregnancy. We hadn't told anyone we were trying, because there's nothing quite like everyone asking all the time when would we get pregnant. We were already asked often enough without announcing our intentions!
After another six months of trying, we bit the bullet and I booked an appointment with my doctor. Having dealt with ovarian cysts since I was sixteen, I suspected something was up. That appointment with my family doctor yielded no surprises, but I now had a consultation with an OB. Always one to be prepared for that appointment - six months down the line - I read everything I could. The best book I read was called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I joined an online group on Fertility Friend and connected with dozens of people going through similar problems.
My life suddenly became very medical. I charted my morning temp, my cervical fluids, my cycle. I charted everything. When I went to the OB she dismissed all my hard work and effort. I offered up my charts from the past few months, I suggested testing she could do (because there was a medical reason I wasn't pregnant yet, right?) She wrote me a prescription and walked out of the office. Angry at her lack of compassion, I stormed out and never went back. I called my family doctor and explained, and got a referral to a new OB. Again another six month wait.
By now I had a year's worth of charts to help me proceed. Our first appointment I got a serious workup (yeah me!) and hubs was sent for testing. A quick rule out on him being the problem. Cue lots of internal guilt. It was me. My body was broken even though I knew it inside out (literally) and backwards.
After a few more tests and the majority of my blood drained in blood work, Dr. New OB thought the best course of action was to first try six months on Clomid. Now, anyone who's ever been hormonal (raise your hands ladies), has nothing on the emotional/physical roller coaster that is Clomid. I'm happy to say I don't miss that drug. Nor does my husband. LOL.
The first unsuccessful six months I was on one dose. No pregnancy. Just sadness. It was about that time Always came out with their "Have a Happy Period" commercials. Not for me - every month was a reminder my body was broken. There was no 'happy period'; every period was a sob fest.
Back to the OB, who upped the dosage. Oh, good lord. Fun times ahead. The first month was hell. The second month - well, I'm surprised hubs even wanted sex. Raging hormones are no fun.
A weekend away presented itself in the form of a family wedding. By that point we had decided to stop trying for a bit, as hubs was finishing up his CMA school work and had a huge exam in a few months. Plus, we didn't need the pressure of sexing every two days; a side effect no one tells you about when you're infertile and trying for a baby. You lose the joy of lovemaking when it needs to be scheduled. It becomes sex and that's it. Awesome, right? So, we needed this break desperately and we took it. We danced and drank and enjoyed being a couple. Not a couple desperate for a baby.
A couple of weeks later, I joined my family for a ski weekend. While sitting with a trusted family friend and her little baby (she had gone through something similar), I unloaded on her. I also told her that I was feeling off, but blamed the fact hubs was at home studying and I was out having fun. She suspected otherwise and suggested I take a pregnancy test. But I couldn't do it.
A couple of days later, I was late. And I'm never late. Remember, I charted? I knew my cycle. But because I had 'slacked off' with the wedding and the weekend away, I wasn't as diligent that month in accurately taking and recording my daily temperature, my cervical mucus, my OPKs.
It was March 2004. Days away from our sixth wedding anniversary. But I needed to know. I took a test as I was getting ready for work but covered with a tissue because I felt guilty hubs wasn't there. But I had to know. I uncovered it and screamed. A long dream stared back at me. There were two lines on the test! :)
To be continued...
My Journey to Parenthood Part 2
After another six months of trying, we bit the bullet and I booked an appointment with my doctor. Having dealt with ovarian cysts since I was sixteen, I suspected something was up. That appointment with my family doctor yielded no surprises, but I now had a consultation with an OB. Always one to be prepared for that appointment - six months down the line - I read everything I could. The best book I read was called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I joined an online group on Fertility Friend and connected with dozens of people going through similar problems.My life suddenly became very medical. I charted my morning temp, my cervical fluids, my cycle. I charted everything. When I went to the OB she dismissed all my hard work and effort. I offered up my charts from the past few months, I suggested testing she could do (because there was a medical reason I wasn't pregnant yet, right?) She wrote me a prescription and walked out of the office. Angry at her lack of compassion, I stormed out and never went back. I called my family doctor and explained, and got a referral to a new OB. Again another six month wait.
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| Not my chart - for the record - this compliments of Google |
After a few more tests and the majority of my blood drained in blood work, Dr. New OB thought the best course of action was to first try six months on Clomid. Now, anyone who's ever been hormonal (raise your hands ladies), has nothing on the emotional/physical roller coaster that is Clomid. I'm happy to say I don't miss that drug. Nor does my husband. LOL.
The first unsuccessful six months I was on one dose. No pregnancy. Just sadness. It was about that time Always came out with their "Have a Happy Period" commercials. Not for me - every month was a reminder my body was broken. There was no 'happy period'; every period was a sob fest.Back to the OB, who upped the dosage. Oh, good lord. Fun times ahead. The first month was hell. The second month - well, I'm surprised hubs even wanted sex. Raging hormones are no fun.
A weekend away presented itself in the form of a family wedding. By that point we had decided to stop trying for a bit, as hubs was finishing up his CMA school work and had a huge exam in a few months. Plus, we didn't need the pressure of sexing every two days; a side effect no one tells you about when you're infertile and trying for a baby. You lose the joy of lovemaking when it needs to be scheduled. It becomes sex and that's it. Awesome, right? So, we needed this break desperately and we took it. We danced and drank and enjoyed being a couple. Not a couple desperate for a baby.
A couple of weeks later, I joined my family for a ski weekend. While sitting with a trusted family friend and her little baby (she had gone through something similar), I unloaded on her. I also told her that I was feeling off, but blamed the fact hubs was at home studying and I was out having fun. She suspected otherwise and suggested I take a pregnancy test. But I couldn't do it.
A couple of days later, I was late. And I'm never late. Remember, I charted? I knew my cycle. But because I had 'slacked off' with the wedding and the weekend away, I wasn't as diligent that month in accurately taking and recording my daily temperature, my cervical mucus, my OPKs.
It was March 2004. Days away from our sixth wedding anniversary. But I needed to know. I took a test as I was getting ready for work but covered with a tissue because I felt guilty hubs wasn't there. But I had to know. I uncovered it and screamed. A long dream stared back at me. There were two lines on the test! :)
To be continued...
My Journey to Parenthood Part 2
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