#BellLetsTalk - Yes, I struggle with anxiety.

anx·i·e·ty

aNGˈzīədē/

noun

1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

   
   

   "he felt a surge of anxiety"

   
   

   synonyms:

   worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More

   • desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

     
     

     "the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"

     
     

     synonyms:

     eagerness, keenness, desire "an anxiety to please"

   • PSYCHIATRY

     a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

   
   

Yes, that's what anxiety is. 

But what does it feel like? For me, I imagine it's similar to what a heart attack feels like. My heart beats ridiculously fast, my breathing is laboured, my extremities tingle, and I have a feeling of doom. But it's not a heart attack (I've had my heart looked at, and had an ECG and an echo done - my ticker is in amazing condition). It's bad enough when it comes on during the day, but to wake up to it? Bloody wonderful. <insert sarcasm>

I have few known triggers, so I can prevent an anxiety attack by avoiding alcohol, for instance. Yes, alcohol is a trigger for me. During a particular venerable period a couple years ago, a new trigger presented itself. Alcohol. I had an ounce of alcohol and within a short time, was in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack - in the middle of the night. I thought I was dying. I worried my kids would be motherless when they woke up in the morning. After the symptoms slowly ebbed away, I realised it wasn't death. (thank God). I'd had a few anxiety attacks before that, but figured the alcohol would relax me and I could escape my worries for the night. Haha! Yes, worrying excessively is a huge trigger. Lucky me. 

I worry about being fired, about why it's taking someone so long to return a text message when I know they are attached to their phones. I get anxious just thinking about my anxiety. I worry about death. Death is also a trigger. It's all around me. I lost three family members/friends between March 14 - Dec 29 of this year. I have two others fighting cancer, and we're on death watch with my grandma. :(

I get anxiety over thunderstorms, but at least *I* know why, and it's something I will never share. Still knowing what causes them, and trying to finds ways of dealing with them are two separate things. I've tried facing them. I've tried making a game out of it. I've tried to pretend it's not making me a pile of mush on the inside. But they trigger me all the same.
I'm trying to take control of it. I use medications - sparingly, and only when nothing else will work. I talk with a therapist. I'm trying. :) It's all I can do.
I don't discuss it with friends and family because of the stigma that's attached. I mentioned it once to a family member and it was received with eye rolls. We need to break the stigma.

So let's spread the word. Let's combat the stigma associated with mental illness (ugh, I hate that word... illness). Talk to me. Talk to a friend. Let's talk.

For every text, or tweet with the #BellLetsTalk or FB post or instagram post, Bell Canada will donate five cents to Mental Health Initiatives. Let's TALK!

Know someone like me who battles anxiety? Here's a great article on helping them because there's power in knowledge.